the buzzword and super oversensationalised word, that is, hoon

ooohhhhhhh, lookout behind you, there is a car that has been modified! and worse off, more than likely, an enthusiast that respects and enjoys their car is driving it! AAAGGGHHHHH, you will most certainly be in for a fate worse than death if you are ever unlucky enough to be in the presence of such a deviant reincarnation of Satan himself.

Such is the perception that the media, government, police and every other fucking twat would have us believe, after reading numerous reports about traffic incidents, there would be a little over 10% that I would say relate directly to the crowd I call "hoons" yet no more are people called people, offenders, no, everyone that is not a police officer, or a minister being driven around, or an uptight self riotous member of public is now, a HOON. Which means, at any given time from sitting in peak hour traffic, to obeying the speed limit, any modified car owner is now the most deadly threat to humanity, (drugs, murder and "actual" crime was so 2007) and because we pose such a threat to the very existence of our fellow countrymen, every stop must be pulled out to make sure we cannot enjoy our passion.

An example I would like to sight, (and it is very much an example)

I was driving the speed limit (actually 10 k's below cause my car chew's the juice at 110km/h) and a tradey van came up in the right lane, would have passed me at 150+km/h. Now, if per say he slowed it down, and there was a police car that sighted us both, one car doing 10 below the speed limit, and if the other car slowed it down to 120 or so, who do you think is the bigger threat? In my crazy opinion, I would think it would be the guy that is speeding, but in the perception of the police, public and media, hoons do not commute in tradey vans, they drive modified cars, and regardless of what you are doing, you are doing wrong. In saying that, I believe that I would be the one that gets pulled over, as my car is low and gives off the presumption that it is a hoon car, hence, it is as good as a loaded pistol to someones head.

A hoon is someone that would be breaking the law, not a fucking passionate car lover that obeys all of the street laws as they should, I used to believe that if you do no wrong, then you will be right, this is not the case anymore, no matter what the car loving population of Australia does, as long as there is a minute minority (that drives stock as a rock family commuters) we are all guilty. For what though, for loving my car, fuck that, I have poured my heart and soul into cars since I was 17, my dad and I built my first one, and I have constructively (wasted) countless dollars on them since, they are a part of my life, I express myself through how they look, and by implementing laws that prevent us from doing just that, well they may as well start telling us what to say.

The image that has been pinned on the car community is one of fear and constant wrongdoing, but why? from the actions of young kids in cars that most of the time aren't highly powered massively modified cars? how does that work, its like blaming a fucking dolphin when a shark eats someone off the shore, just cause they look similar from the chopper doesn't mean they are the same! Give anyone an underpowered economical car, and they will be able to do 160 on a 40km/h street, or wrap it around a pole, any amount of modifications (or lack of) can't stop someones over enthusiastic right foot. Education will help prevent this, but when the enforcers of these laws get the blinkers applied to their own head through ignorance, how the fuck would anyone be able to educate people, it is easier to drive home scare tactics and penalise people that don't deserve it, rather than tackle the real problem, real under the rug tactics. Well done Australian government and police force, your doing a great job, I don't feel any safer in the city, and now I shit myself driving my car, cause apparently I am the risk!

I salute you.

What happens when a bird fucks a pig up the ass to stimulate a faultering yet recovering economy?

Well it is a very good question and I'll tell you what the fuck happens, the bird will die from a fucken hypothetical pandemic, in the meantime the pig didn't realise that it just got fucked in the ass cause it was too worried about keeping it's job, even though unemployment wouldn't ever go close to breaching 10% everyone has the perception that it will be 100%

So what does all of this mean? 

Good question, here is the fucking answer to that as well.

We are currently a planet controlled entirely by bullshit over sensationalised media, oh but of course everyone already knows this, the thing is though, I just can't sit here and fucken complain about the media like a typical "my chemical romance" listener and have all of you go "oh yeah, true that man, like the media is so full of like shit, and cause like when I watch home and away and I like see an ad for like today tonight I was like yeah nah I'm goin to put a bit of paper over my mouth to stop getting a cold that is thousands of k's away like for sure" It is because there are plenty of fuckwits out there that BELIEVE the shit, and that where the problem lies, well not all of it, but probably 50/50 with the dumb ass  people that create the sensationalised abominations we are forced to digest. 

First up, the recession, ooohhhh yeah, fucken real hardcore, the media will have you believe that in the next 10 minutes you will lose your job, have no where to sleep, have nothing to eat, have no clothes, never be able to get another job, and pretty much have to kill yourself, (well that's if you can afford a knife) All this for what? Yes there have been job losses, but think about it like this, If you owned a business and the greatest excuse to fuck off dead shit fuck heads out of your business came along, would you take it? Of course you fucken would, if you wouldn't don't worry cause that means you probably will never be faced with that predicament, so don't stress. If I had a business where I had a few thousand people below me hiring mates to do shitkicker jobs getting much better than award wage, believe me, I would fuck them all off in 2 seconds flat, then after that give myself a fucken pay rise for being such a good boss, sad fact is we need the recession to trim the fat, make business more efficient, to bad commercial television didn't find the same incentive to fuck off the brain dead television show hosts who really seem to enjoy reporting anything just to breed paranoia, wouldn't that be a nice little bit of irony there?

But hang on, don't get too attached to this "recession" thing, cause we have swine flu to keep you strapped down to your bed inside your bubble so the outside world can't get to you. 

That's right, forget mad cow, forget bird flu, we have the new and improved pandemic that just hit the world a few weeks ago! Whats that I hear you ask, how can we have only just got this new pandemic when since the dawn of time people have been breeding, eating, sleeping next to and jacking off with a pig shit covered hand? Good question, well we need a story, an angle you might say, to distract the fucking moronic general public while we go off and do something stupid, so we heard some Mexican got a cold and died, but we couldn't just say "colds kill you" cause we have like a cure for that now, so we needed something with a bit of bite, something no one has heard since the start of current affairs programs, and that is how swine flue was born. 

But what are the benefits to swine flu, say over bird flu?

Oh there are plenty of benefits, what would you say if I told you right now that swine flu has no cure, transmits via me just looking at you, and you will be dead in 20 minutes?

WOW, fuck the recession, I need to worry about the flu way more now. Huh, look at that, I even forgot what the government has been on about for the past few months up to now, swine flu is really amazing!

That's right folks, it will make you forget about the "recession" or the fact that it is a natural cycle in the business world, and it will also make you think you are going to die, which is good for when you want to go out and get that new car you always deserved after taking an early retirement.

Fuck that, I'm not getting no cold after losing my job to go on TV to sit in a fucken hot seat just to win 5 grand

we're all connected via connections connected with connecting material

The other day I was on youtube, I searched for something, and I found it, fucken amazing. Does this mean that the poster and I can be freinds in real life because we now have a connection? Maybe I should add them on myfuckingfacespace so they can go in the collection of other people that will give me bragging rights come time for a rare real life social interaction.

Fuck that, why have 200 "friends?" I fucking doubt you would speak (actually talk, not internet) to a fucking 5th of them, so it makes no sence. Yes I do have an account, never use it, nonetheless I do have one, I thought it could be used to chat to old mates and get together for a few beers, and that once did eventuate, but, out of all of the people on my "friends" list I wouldn't speak to more that 20 fucking people in actual life, for the sole reason that I don't want to fucking talk to some stupid fucks from my school 10 years ago. 

Here's why you shouldn't either, (unless you enjoy this mundane shit, if you do, you need to be killed)

this is the average convo with long time no see acquaintances.

me: hey

them: hey

them: whats been goin on?

me: work, you know, bout you?

them: yeah me to! what do you do?

me: graphics

them: wow, you must love that, it sounds awesome

me: no, it's shit

them: oh well, it has been a long time though, too long

me: hmm

them: we should catch up for a beer soon

me: (why, so we can have this fucking steller conversation again) ok

them: cool, well take it easy, my numbers still the same, so give me a buzz when you wanna hang out.

me: yeah alright.

copypasta that to everyone of you facefag friends and you'll be the most popular cat around. 

besides that brain mincing entertainment, these "social" (what the fuck, seriously) sites offer us the chance to see what these people that we really like have been doin these days. Example, big noting, I FUCKING HATE CUNTS THAT BIG NOTE, here is how it rolls socially in the new world.

You have to have mad dog pictures of you travelling all over the world, show them to everyone, there is no such thing as privacy anymore, also, put pics up that will encourage a response, fish for compliments, like

"here I am in america, just before I go to canada"

try and aim for a response like this, bonus points if you haven't seen that person for more than 5 years.

"oh wow, you look great now, I hope you had heaps of fun on your trip, we should catch up soon"

Also, take pride in the fact that your friends will be envious of your awesome life documented and shown to everyone, cause with the profile pic partying in some awesome environment, the general consensus is that's how your life is all the time, nevermind that you probably posted those items from your desk at work. 

conversensationalisations

It has come to my attention that in life, fuck, sorry, the Internet (always getting those 2 mixed up) that people are taking things too serious. What I am about to do is very dangerous, delving deep into the Psyche of the Internet, and trying to explain it, albeit it, on the Internet, but more so I will be talking about sensationalisation and how to understand what may be real, and what may not be so real. 

To start, lets examine me, I exaggerate all the fucken time, like, "fucken hell it is about a million degrees outside, I'm goin to fucken down 10 billion beers when I get home."

Pretty easy this one, the first bit, clearly it means it is really fucken hot outside, probably around 40, but because of the lack of exposure to this temperature, it may as well be 1,000,000 deg C. 

Second part follows along the same train of thought, we have just been informed that it is hot outside, therefore a beer will be a just reward for enduring such conditions, 10 billion i hear you say though? Well, clearly if you drank 10 billion you would be dead, so the actual figure may be closer to 10, which will suffice for a weekday. Not to mention the fact that if I had 10 billion beers, I probably would own a fucken brewery, and be rich as fuck. 

Above is a very basic example, but with the basics there to be able to apply similar rules to what you  encounter in li.. Internet. But lets have a look at another. One that is actually used in real life, and no, that is not Internet, but your ACTUAL fucking lives.

TV, you hear all the time on the fucken thing that "this is the most important episode ever" or "if you only watch one thing this year watch this." I fucken doubt it, if I only watch one thing this year it sure as shit isn't going to be a fucken show about a cop that has a case, can't solve it for around 30-35 mins, then amazingly he figures the fucker out in 10. You need to realise though, that the audience for this mind blowing revelation of watching one thing a year, are currently watching the fucking TV and have already fucked their chance of seeing one thing. Doesn't only being able to watch one thing make you want to watch? Clinging on the back of that point are the comments that something is the "most important" thing "ever." Alright, so the  most important thing ever last week has been topped, this week, already! Fuck me, I am going to have a fucken coronary if there are too many more "most important" things happening around me, it's a sensory overload.

But all of sensationalisation does have a use, it is to win, or sell, or convince stupid fucking people that need their hand held taking a shit, of what to do, watch, wear, eat, buy, etc. etc... it is a massive part of the world we know turning into a slop of fucking retarded people all doing and being the same thing, mindless, opinion less fucking blobs of shit.

So there you go, the most important fucking thing you will ever need to fucking read.

(PS buy my clothes when they come out, they will shield you from the idiocy)

(PPS, what the fuck are Melbournians going to talk about now that the temperature doesn't resemble the core of the sun? For a week, that is all that I fucken heard anywhere, "fuck it is hot." NO FUCKING SHIT cock smokers, in case you haven't realised I am here to, and I am alive, in which case, I can sure as fuck feel it to, not to mention I'm sweating just standing still. Dicks.)