Monday, July 20, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
Monday, November 10, 2008
The other stupid fucking thing about having a psychic adventure is, wouldn't everyone that went there already know what the fuck was going on? Like you head up to one of your comrades and before you ever say anything they have already mind fucked you with what they were going to tell you when you asked them that thing you were going to ask? So everyone would just be standing around around looking at the next dick cheese goin, umm yep, next, oh for sure, nah, oh yeah, yeah I'm already there (like litterally.)
In the same sense, I always thought it would be cool to be a psychic, you would never really need to make a decision about shit, nor need to know shit, as you already know everything! I'd like to be one now, fuck knows why, I couldn't rob a fucking bank being a psychic, nor could I just get what ever I want, which most of the time involves fucken money, but it would be cool, not quite as cool as being invisible, cause then you could do whatever, like walk into a bank and fucken take all of the money out and then just walk out, and people would be like WTF is goin on here turbo, but you don't need to answer shit, cause they can't see you, let alone understand you. That is why, and maybe just why they have psychic exibitions, just so we never find out...
BTW I'm fucking hammered, of course that isn't why they have them, it's cause they fucking morons
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Number plates, something that gives your vehicle and ID, they can let a whole system of people and businesses know a little about the car, and in the right kind of business, a little about the driver as well. Easily the biggest system of all is the human race, no one sees your number plate more than the general public themselves, which is why my brain turns to mush when I am left to ponder why you would make a public spectacle of yourself by getting the wankiest, shittiest number plates a person could ever think of.
For example, would you wear a t shirt with “(your name here)’s T shirt” or “my short sleeve polo” (actually come to think about it, number plates don’t require grammar, so “myshrtslvplo”) The answer for most people would be, NO. No you wouldn’t, it would be fucking stupid to do such a thing. We either know who you are therefore no need to tell us again, or we don’t, therefore we wouldn’t give a shit, the outcome similar to the one above. This brings me to my point of why would you label your car this way? I would almost have to say that it is worse if it is your car, if your car has number plates that are prefixed by “my” or “our” then seriously, you need help. Let’s try and comprehend what they could actually mean. You are driving your car right? Umm… it is the same car it was when you purchased it? It does have adequate badges reminding you what it is before you step into it? You do actually know what you purchased don’t you? Ok, you know who you are and hopefully you know what your car is, sorry to say this, but people that don’t know you, couldn’t give a fuck if your name is “rob” or “mac” and the general public would be aware by now what a commodore is. Shit, we have it rammed down our throat often enough by that fucking box in our houses. So, why the need to tell everyone all of that useless info? Anyway, as if the car that you have clearly labeled isn’t your fucking car, not that many cars get flogged every single day that society is now feeling the need to write our names on them!
Possibly worse, is the person who feels the need to just simply tell us what the car is. At least the last lot of clowns told us something that we didn’t know (albeit, we couldn’t give a fuck) these fuckin idiots are telling us something that we can clearly see for ourselves, so not to be outdone by the monotony of day to day life, you guys are adding to that by telling us a couple of times what model your car is, great, thanks heaps for that champ. I always have a hard time understanding the logic behind these plates, do you often forget what your car is? Do you need to be told 25 times a day what it is, or is it to show everyone that even though it is an extremely average car, that you have a knowledge of automobiles, and to prove it you choose to display said knowledge on the outside of your vehicle a few more times. Then there are the ones that try and tell you stuff or be witty, fuck me, maybe to communicate with these people properly I need “rage-31” number plates, cause these are seriously fucking stupid. I see plenty of these moronic plates around everyday, namely I saw one the other day that was (abbreviated obviously) why are you second (you can work it out.) on a shitty fucking girls car. I can’t even explain the stupidity of these plate, so I’ll start by trying to answer this insanely profound question as to why I am actually second. It was peak hour on the carpark we like to call the monash freeway when I saw this abomination, me being second wasn’t really an issue, as everyone you could see was stopped, and I wouldn’t really see this drive home as a race, but, the question was, why was I second? First of all dickweed I wasn’t second as there was a few thousand cars on the freeway at that point in time, just as there is every afternoon. The reason I was behind you is because you didn’t let me merge you fucking clown, but the reason for not letting me merge would be purely to come first, wouldn’t it? But then wouldn’t you have to merge in front of every car ever. If in fact he did do that, then he shouldn’t be allowed to have those number plates. Surely he should be able to get a fine for that shit, maybe even jail time! Vic roads give you fines for too low, too loud, what about plain old too fucking stupid?
Those two are just the tip of the iceberg, there are a million more stupid plates out there, dumbass sexual reference ones, ones that someone in kindergarten could get laughed at for the complete disregard to anything remotely close to resembling English, ones referring to different modes of transport, fuck, just about all of the dumbest shit you can ever think of has been done. The sad thing is that a lot of people are proud that their car makes a spectacle day in day out, ah well, a lot of people do a lot of silly things, this being one, good on ya, if you like being perceived as a fucking idiot. Obviously you don’t though because you have your idiocy on display all day every day. Just like that tattoo of a dick on your left ass cheek, I believe you when you say you were pissed, promise!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Oh, they’re fucking serious, surely they can’t fucking be serious?
Well, they are, and on Sunday night (although I know what they are) had the utter displeasure of viewing the fucking ARIA awards. As with a majority of music awards shows around the world, they reward fads, sales, popularity from their demographic of 12-15 year old females and pre poofter males and in general just lacklustre rubbish. So why watch, well I was fucking hung over, in a relatively good but tired mood, and I really felt like adding my own commentary to a shitty broadcast, (and also, when I stretched all the way, the remote was about 40mm too far away.)
Why would I want to endure such nutsack ripping, ass fuckingly poor programming? As I begin my evening viewing my mind is running all about, contemplating what sort of exploitations that I might witness and it is this thought process which makes me continue watching.
So what are we seeing, well typical bullshit, (I will recite as much as my drunken haze allows me to) I was informed that there would be a special guest on tonight’s show, ohhh, I wonder who this stellar AUSTRALIAN personality may be. WHAT THE FUCK?? PINK, why the fuck would I want to watch an Australian music awards show, only to be punished with a performance by a fucking American performer? Is that the most fucking insane scenario you can comprehend, do they get aussie guests on their shows? (They may, but fucked if I know,) and my best guess would be that they don’t, cause they don’t give a fucking flying fuck about aus performers. While I’m on the subject of Pink, the performance was fucking spastic, her singing sounded fucked and only the backup signers were in tune, and the stage set was lavish as fuck, one would be so inclined to think that this may have been to distract the 13 year old audience’s attention away from the fucking excrement that was being expelled from her mouth. Her image, what the fuck is that, are you supposed to be a bad girl, not like a sexy oh you’ve been a bad girl, but more like a don’t give a fuck oh no you didn’t bad girl, you know, with no regard for the “rules.” This comes off second rate when you have the sound on, because the music is only lyrical content away from hi fucking 5, it just looks and sounds really stupid, and to be honest, is almost an insult to the listener.
That was about the first ten minutes, so off to a good start of you like to take a fucking steaming heap of shit in your ear and your eyes gouged out then fucked in the hole.
Wait a minute, what is this? An artist that actually has talent, isn’t making music for the fucking sake (read money) of it and has an artistic style that is truly worthy of his own feature performance (yes, in place of this entire show) who is this you may ask? His name is Geoffrey Gurrumul Yunupingu, a truly inspiring artist. A blind aboriginal, self taught himself the guitar, upside fucking down as well! Sings in his native tongue and composes some of the most haunting melodies you would ever hear. He is a very humble person who records his music because it is what he enjoys doing, he isn’t a fucking don’t talk to me style celebrity who “we” all so greatly admire. To this man I tip my hat, I admire him in the deepest most sincere meaning of the word. Being as amazing as I have just described he should have just taken a fucken haul home aye? You would have thought so, album of the year, he was beaten by the presets, fuck me, that is fucking insane, a bunch of gay dudes, taking pills in really dark rooms with heaps of other fluro wearing guys, ahh yeah, for sure!
He had decent competition for the male artist, pipped at the line from nick cave, another great artist, and I’m sure one that couldn’t give a fuck about the arias.
And he won independent release, not too bad, and I’m sure he would be stocked, but when you have a fucking moron like that cilmi bird winning every fucking award she was nominated for, surely something is clearly a miss there?
As for the music itself, it is obvious that we are never going to see recognition for Australian metal bands, in any way shape or form, but here is what I would have like to have seen at the arias and why.
Psycroptic have just finished a massive north American festival as well as having completed their new album, which will see a worldwide release, this Tassie band should have opened up the arias with 3 or 4 songs, and definitely had lacertine forest as the last song. I should have hosted the fucken thing, pissed. Then Deez Nuts, a Melbourne band/guy (jj peters) who has also just released a new full length, should have played a 4 song set. Chuck jack the stripper in the mix, Petrol Powered Goon Bag Holocaust, some mindsnare, Hiroshima will burn, fuck I’m dead, bob saget, and of course slabslider and that is what I call a fucking awards night, with music that is worthy of actually receiving awards. Get that up ya pink, this is what the fuck you should sound like if you’re such an angry bad girl and wanna get in a fight!