we're all connected via connections connected with connecting material

The other day I was on youtube, I searched for something, and I found it, fucken amazing. Does this mean that the poster and I can be freinds in real life because we now have a connection? Maybe I should add them on myfuckingfacespace so they can go in the collection of other people that will give me bragging rights come time for a rare real life social interaction.

Fuck that, why have 200 "friends?" I fucking doubt you would speak (actually talk, not internet) to a fucking 5th of them, so it makes no sence. Yes I do have an account, never use it, nonetheless I do have one, I thought it could be used to chat to old mates and get together for a few beers, and that once did eventuate, but, out of all of the people on my "friends" list I wouldn't speak to more that 20 fucking people in actual life, for the sole reason that I don't want to fucking talk to some stupid fucks from my school 10 years ago. 

Here's why you shouldn't either, (unless you enjoy this mundane shit, if you do, you need to be killed)

this is the average convo with long time no see acquaintances.

me: hey

them: hey

them: whats been goin on?

me: work, you know, bout you?

them: yeah me to! what do you do?

me: graphics

them: wow, you must love that, it sounds awesome

me: no, it's shit

them: oh well, it has been a long time though, too long

me: hmm

them: we should catch up for a beer soon

me: (why, so we can have this fucking steller conversation again) ok

them: cool, well take it easy, my numbers still the same, so give me a buzz when you wanna hang out.

me: yeah alright.

copypasta that to everyone of you facefag friends and you'll be the most popular cat around. 

besides that brain mincing entertainment, these "social" (what the fuck, seriously) sites offer us the chance to see what these people that we really like have been doin these days. Example, big noting, I FUCKING HATE CUNTS THAT BIG NOTE, here is how it rolls socially in the new world.

You have to have mad dog pictures of you travelling all over the world, show them to everyone, there is no such thing as privacy anymore, also, put pics up that will encourage a response, fish for compliments, like

"here I am in america, just before I go to canada"

try and aim for a response like this, bonus points if you haven't seen that person for more than 5 years.

"oh wow, you look great now, I hope you had heaps of fun on your trip, we should catch up soon"

Also, take pride in the fact that your friends will be envious of your awesome life documented and shown to everyone, cause with the profile pic partying in some awesome environment, the general consensus is that's how your life is all the time, nevermind that you probably posted those items from your desk at work. 

conversensationalisations

It has come to my attention that in life, fuck, sorry, the Internet (always getting those 2 mixed up) that people are taking things too serious. What I am about to do is very dangerous, delving deep into the Psyche of the Internet, and trying to explain it, albeit it, on the Internet, but more so I will be talking about sensationalisation and how to understand what may be real, and what may not be so real. 

To start, lets examine me, I exaggerate all the fucken time, like, "fucken hell it is about a million degrees outside, I'm goin to fucken down 10 billion beers when I get home."

Pretty easy this one, the first bit, clearly it means it is really fucken hot outside, probably around 40, but because of the lack of exposure to this temperature, it may as well be 1,000,000 deg C. 

Second part follows along the same train of thought, we have just been informed that it is hot outside, therefore a beer will be a just reward for enduring such conditions, 10 billion i hear you say though? Well, clearly if you drank 10 billion you would be dead, so the actual figure may be closer to 10, which will suffice for a weekday. Not to mention the fact that if I had 10 billion beers, I probably would own a fucken brewery, and be rich as fuck. 

Above is a very basic example, but with the basics there to be able to apply similar rules to what you  encounter in li.. Internet. But lets have a look at another. One that is actually used in real life, and no, that is not Internet, but your ACTUAL fucking lives.

TV, you hear all the time on the fucken thing that "this is the most important episode ever" or "if you only watch one thing this year watch this." I fucken doubt it, if I only watch one thing this year it sure as shit isn't going to be a fucken show about a cop that has a case, can't solve it for around 30-35 mins, then amazingly he figures the fucker out in 10. You need to realise though, that the audience for this mind blowing revelation of watching one thing a year, are currently watching the fucking TV and have already fucked their chance of seeing one thing. Doesn't only being able to watch one thing make you want to watch? Clinging on the back of that point are the comments that something is the "most important" thing "ever." Alright, so the  most important thing ever last week has been topped, this week, already! Fuck me, I am going to have a fucken coronary if there are too many more "most important" things happening around me, it's a sensory overload.

But all of sensationalisation does have a use, it is to win, or sell, or convince stupid fucking people that need their hand held taking a shit, of what to do, watch, wear, eat, buy, etc. etc... it is a massive part of the world we know turning into a slop of fucking retarded people all doing and being the same thing, mindless, opinion less fucking blobs of shit.

So there you go, the most important fucking thing you will ever need to fucking read.

(PS buy my clothes when they come out, they will shield you from the idiocy)

(PPS, what the fuck are Melbournians going to talk about now that the temperature doesn't resemble the core of the sun? For a week, that is all that I fucken heard anywhere, "fuck it is hot." NO FUCKING SHIT cock smokers, in case you haven't realised I am here to, and I am alive, in which case, I can sure as fuck feel it to, not to mention I'm sweating just standing still. Dicks.)